so here i am again

so, four years on, and i'm back on this 'ere blog.

i need a place to express things regarding asthma, and i don't want to clog up my main blog with that, so here is where i will do it.

lately the asthma has been bad.

but it perked me up reading about the 'pink bandido lady' - a sense of humor helps.

also remembering that it's Jesus who gives life and breath, not oxygen.

i would post a video for matt redman's song 'more than oxygen', except i can't find a single one anywhere. the first line goes (from memory anyways), 'more than oxygen, i need Your love'.

and i do.

something's changed

something's changed, in my health, my situation, and in my heart, since my last post.

yeah, i've not been posting here too much, i think i've been .... pondering.... lots. a quiet time.

my health: i'm reacting less to things. i seem to be able to handle scents and chemicals better than before. there may be some healing happening here! i was able to wash my hands in a friend's handsoap, and then sniff and sniff at the deliscious scent on my hands... without having an asthma attack. my lip got a bit itchy, but it didn't seem to bug my breathing. but... i have had to use my puffer some sundays, just cuz there are soooo many freshly washed and scented bodies in the room! lol

my situation: my house is getting reaaaalllyyy musty this fall. and i'm going to not rush out and move until God give the go-ahead. but i can sense it's coming. but it's not going to be homesteading! it's gonna be pulling up some roots, so to speak.... lightening my load, household wise, and just following wherever God leads me. it could be anything and anywhere....

my heart: i'm just going to trust Him. for now, i'm here, and communicating with my neighbours like i never have before. so i'll stay... until God says go! and STAND on that truth that HE is the air i breathe... not oxygen. HE gives me life... not. air. HE is my source, and i'll trust HIM to take care of me, not myself. i don't have to figure out what to do, where to go, He'll lead me. all i have to do is determine to follow HIM. not follow the cleanest air... not follow my nose to a more non-toxic environment.... follow HIM, and Him alone, and He'll take care of me.

The Search is On!

for a new home, that is. my health has nosedived since returning home from a month-long trip across canada, my home smelling musty when i return home. now, about a week and a half after returning home, i hardly smell it anymore, but i'm sick again, my breathing hypersensitive to everything. yesterday i spent much of the day at the lake breathing in campsmoke, and i felt great... i come home and i'm sick. does that compute to having a sick home? i think so.

SO... i have two approches in mind for my new home hunt (input from y'all would definately be wonderful to hear!): a camper on a property while i slowly but surely build a cordwood house; or buy a trailer in a park. BOTH assuming a mortgage or some kind of loan which would be a miracle of God. so maybe this is dreaming, maybe practical.....

'easy' option: buy a trailer in a park:
pros: it's immediate, more fiscally possible, if it's movable it could be moved down the line to my own property, i'm around other people (single gal on her own, y'know?), if it's older toxic fumes are more likely to have offgassed, and even tho it depreciates, it's still an investment: 5 years down the line, if i get only half what i paid for it, that's better than rent where you get zip, y'know?
cons: if it's old, it could be built with who knows what toxic substance (asbestos, etc), could have a hidden mold problem, it's apparantly expensive to move, i'm in a closed neighbourhood with other peoples exhaust fumes/garbagy wood smoke/etc.

'difficult' option: buy a camper and property:
pros: it's mine; build a cordwood house (hey, old ladies and kids can build those, why can't i? lol); outdoors in FRESH air, except for my own clean-burn woodsmoke; the joys of camping and the pleasure of a hard-walled home; ongoing project; the joys of a [clean] outhouse; can have a dog maybe; i'm in love with the idea.
cons: fiscally (ie 'the bank') unlikely; winter - cold camper/outhousin' it; out of town (transportation costs).

am i being a little bit airy fairy about it (ie: "the joys of a [clean] outhouse")? maybe a tad idealistic. but i'm literally SICK of living in town and am quasi-desperate to get out. God willing, of course.

God can do anything, y'know. :D

a third option: some peeps i know have an adorable A-frame for sale, out of my [percieved] price range, but so cute, and God can do anything, right? :P except it's around other wood-heat peeps, and likely stinky smoke is to be found. so is it an option? i dunno, not really, but maybe.

a fourth option: go on 'the lam' and hide out in a tent in the woods and risk freezing in the winter. but hey, at least i'll be in the fresh air, lol!

Scent-sory Overload

1. Do you wear perfume or cologne?
never. everything i have is fragrance free so for as i am able. perfumes, colognes, fragrances of any sort, trigger my asthma badly.

2. What brand or kind of soap do you use?
omega nutrition's unscented face and body soap (liquid)... with a wee bit of natural tea tree oil for my hair (also my shampoo)

3. Do you use anything to scent your home (candles, potpourri, scented oils, etc.)?
absolutely not. my home is as odor free, chemically air-pollutant free as i am able.

4. What's your favorite scent on a member of the gender to which you're attracted?
NOTHING. to be honest, i don't understand the attraction of scents anymore... to me, it's poison.

5. Have you ever tried aromatherapy? If so, describe your experience; if not, do you think it works?
not really.... most stuff in the aisles at stores that are 'aromatherapy' are so strong - and chemically! - scented that i can't go down the darn aisle. why wouldi bring it into my home? as for 100% natural essential oils in minute quantities, like i put in my shampoo? i don't know. i'm experimenting as i go along.

from Five on Friday

my Alter Ego

i have an alter ego... her name is the Pink Bandido Lady. she walks around on smelly days with a pink chenille scarf wrapped around her face, looking like she's gonna rob a bank!

combine that with pink dreads, i'm an interesting sight.

i think it's really important to keep a sense of humour about my struggles. there's not point in griping, there's no point in wishing it was different becuase that's not going to make it any different, and God has something He wants me to learn through all this.

the Pink Bandido Lady goes to church, too. whoa, sunday morning is the stinky-fest of the week! all those people freshly groomed, sprayed, powdered, and hosed down in their favorite colognes.... gack. it's taken a lot of humility - dare i say humiliation? - to get to the point of being willing to look like that at church....

but when it comes down to it, my choice is simple - miss church, or feel foolish. i choose feeling foolish, becuase nothing is worth missing my time with God's people. least of all my pride!

my Inspiration...

my Jesus, You are the air i breathe. when i am lacking oxygen.... do i realize that it is not the oxygen that gives me life, but You?

this blog has a very simple purpose.... to write about my journey with God along Asthma Blvd.... how i cope, what He's teaching me, having peace in the storm - and in the vacuum.

may you be blessed!